Won't Commit

Commitment is a prospect that can see many people go running the other way. Reasons for this can range from prior negative experiences, not wanting to let your single days fade away or fear at how fast things are moving. This can place a great deal of strain upon a relationship, as it can cause partners to feel as if it is in some way due to their own shortcomings. But this is, for the most part, far from the truth. Commitment is a tricky subject, and one that should be dealt with due care. If you, or your partner, are having trouble with commitment, then all is not lost.

Reasons why people won’t commit

There are several reasons why some people find it difficult to commit. They include:

  • It’s all happening too quickly - Just because one partner is ready for a long term commitment, does not automatically mean the other should be. We all have our own standards by which we feel a relationship should develop, and this can cause conflict. People may also have others goals they want to accomplish before they commit, such as travelling or gaining promotion at work. Prior negative experiences can also make a person want to take things slow.
  • The initial buzz - It is sometimes the case that people just want to keep achieving the buzz that goes with a new relationship. The sacrifices that a commitment would incorporate just don’t appeal to them. If this is the case, then it is unlikely you will be able to change them.
  • Fear - Many people fear that a commitment will see things change too much, or for the worse. This may be due to prior negative experiences, or issues when growing up. The longer you are together the more these worries can be eased. If you don’t take that next step, then you will never know what could have been.
  • Trust - If you are going to enter a commitment, then there needs to be a foundation of trust. If a person has had negative experiences with an ex, or if there has been an infidelity in your relationship, then this can cause trust to fade. If there is no trust, then a relationship will not last long.
  • Pressure - If your partner is not ready for commitment, then give them time. But there is only so long you can take the same old false promises.

Pressure is not the answer

Pressure will often see your partner run the other way. Below are some tips and advice to help things along:

  • Review how things are going - It is a good idea to review how each of you is feeling about your relationship every three months or so. This can give each person time to consider their feelings. This is a better method than constantly moaning at your partner.
  • Talk - Ask your partner why they feel the way they do about commitment. This can help you to understand their viewpoint, and also give you the chance to help them overcome their fears. However, it can be difficult to change a person if they are firmly against commitment.
  • Be positive - Rather than moaning at your partner about commitment, it is much better to offer words of reassurance. Arguing about commitment will only see them moving further away from the idea.
  • Test run - If you, or your partner, has particular worries about commitment, then explore these issues and try to face them head on through test runs.
  • Forget about it - Take a break from commitment issues, and just have fun. The more you enjoy your relationship the more appetising commitment will be.
  • Therapy - If there seems to be no resolution to your commitment issues, then a therapist can help. They can help you to explore any underlying issues, and to take the necessary steps to overcome them.
  • Tough decision - If it seems like there is no future for your relationship, then it may be best to get out of there. This is a tough decision, but one that may be necessary.

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