Difficulty Achieving Orgasm

What is it?

It is believed that around 12% of women never achieve an orgasm in their life, and that around 70% are unable to do so through sexual intercourse. This is because it can be difficult to stimulate the clitoris through sexual intercourse, touching often a much better way to do so. This condition can vary according to the individual, causing distress to the woman and feelings of inadequacy to their partner. 

What causes it?

This problem can be due to a physical problem, such as lack of stimulation to the clitoris, or if you are tired. Other factors include medical problems, such as those discussed in the ‘Painful Sex’ section, or it may be a side-effect of any medication you are taking. The ability to achieve an orgasm can also be down to various psychological issues:

  • Fear - Many women fear they may lose control when they orgasm

  • Body image - If you are worrying about the way your body looks then this can be a real dampener on proceedings

  • Prior negative experience - If there is a case of sexual abuse or some other trauma in your past then you may find it difficult to achieve an orgasm

  • Underlying relationship problems - If there are problems in your relationship this may be taking an effect

  • Setting the scene - If you are not comfortable in your surroundings then it can be difficult to achieve an orgasm

  • Attention diverted - If there are kids screaming outside your room, or the dog is barking to be let out, then sexual arousal can plummet

Can it be treated?

For most it is the case of finding what actually gets them going, and communicating their needs to their partner. Leaving your partner in the dark can only lead to further problems and the likelihood they will feel inadequate. A therapist can help you discuss the reason why you are having difficulty reaching orgasm, and also, recommend self-help techniques:

  • Find out what you like - You won’t know what you like unless you try. Touching your genital area and finding what you enjoy is the best way to go about it. Once comfortable, you can allow your partner to join in, making sure you guide them and that they have their turn at being stimulated

  • Helping the orgasm along - Breathing deeply, arching your back, squeezing your pelvic muscles in rhythm and using mental fantasies to block out any negative thoughts can all help to achieving an orgasm

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