Dispelling Relationship Myths

If you read the newspapers and watch the soaps you may have a vivid imagination of what the ‘normal’ relationship is. With celebrities taking centre stage in the media our understanding of what is to be expected in a relationship is becoming warped. There are no secrets to a ‘successful’ relationship, and there is no standard by which a relationship can be deemed a success. Understanding the myths populated by society is a good way to see just how ‘normal’ your relationship really is.

Opposites attract

Although people often fall for people of similar class, education and looks there is no perfect partner. Only by acknowledging your differences and making slight alterations to suit your partner can a relationship work. A relationship is only enjoyable when you are with someone who can enrich your life, not merely mirror it.

Arguing is a bad thing

All couples argue, whether it is in public or behind closed doors. What may seem like a happy relationship to someone on the outside can often be the worst kind for those on the inside. Arguing can help to get things out in the air, and also help you to see if the foundations of your relationship are as strong as you hope. However, it is best to express your feelings in a calm manner as they are less likely to be accompanied by hurtful personal attacks.

You can mould your loved one to be the perfect partner

People will have to adjust their lives somewhat during a relationship but shaping a partner to your way of life is not possible. We are each different, with our own unique characteristics, and trying to change your partner can only end in angst. People who try to mould their partners to their way of life are often the ones in need of change themselves.

Romance is everything

Everybody enjoys the initial stage of a relationship, when everything is new and you are going out on first and second dates. But love is not like you see on the big screen. The real test to a relationship occurs when you get past this stage and discover if it has a strong foundation. Romance is important in a relationship but do not get stuck seeking the initial buzz rather than enjoying the richness of a long lasting relationship.

Partners must do everything together

If partners did everything together their relationship would not last longer than a week or two. People have their own interests and hobbies which must be respected if a relationship is to work. Allowing your partner to join in on your hobbies can show you enjoy spending time with them, but having time apart is also fundamental to a relationship. However, if a particular hobby often ends in arguments it may be best to try something else.

Why can’t I just have a ‘normal’ relationship?

There is no such thing as a ‘normal’ relationship. Only by discussing your wants, desires and needs can you create your own unique relationship. Do not let your image of love be blighted by media messages. There is no right way to go about it. We each express our emotions in different ways and only by giving a relationship effort and time can you learn your partner’s true feelings.

You and your partner should agree on everything

There will always be things you and your partner do not see eye to eye about. This is entirely normal as we are each individuals, with our own belief systems and outlooks on life. Your relationship can only work if you agree to disagree on certain matters, and do not let such issues affect the stability of your relationship. However, if it is of great importance to you then you may be best mulling over the true worth of your relationship.

Sex is everything

Sex is not fundamental to a relationship but should by no means be forgotten. Sex is a great way to express your love for one another and a healthy form of exercise. Being disgruntled in the bedroom department can have serious strain on a relationship, but is a problem often left not conversed. Discussing what you do and don’t enjoy can greatly improve sex. Sex is not only about the penis being inserted into the vagina. There are many other sexual acts, including foreplay, touching, cuddling, oral and other methods.

There is a perfect partner out there for me

There is no perfect partner. We each have our own annoying behaviours and habits and these can not be utterly changed. As you move out of the early stages of a relationship you will begin to notice things about your partner you were not aware of. But you must only remember why you fell for the person in question and whether your relationship is worth ruining for such small matters. As long as your partner’s behaviour is not causing you any psychological or physical harm then it can usually be ironed out.

Why doesn’t he/she understand me?

Do no expect your partner to read your mind. Not communicating your problems will ultimately lead to further problems and most likely cause the destruction of your relationship. Expressing your emotions in a calm manner and not during heated arguments is best as it is less likely to be coupled with personal attacks.

Settling for someone is sometimes all you can do

If there are no true feelings of love in a relationship it can often end in disaster. Happiness will only come with someone who makes you feel good about yourself, and with whom you can express yourself on a vulnerable level. Hollywood love is a myth and one you should not become wrapped up in.

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