Bored of Sex

The early stages of a sexual relationship can be very exciting. Sex is new and different, and it can seem like you and your partner can’t bear to be apart. But, of course, with time the initial buzz does begin to fade. For some people, this can cause feelings of anxiety and can lead them to seek the initial buzz with someone else, thus missing out on all the good bits that come after the initial stage.

If anything, sex can become even more exciting and intimate. This is because you are more trusting, and able to express your hidden desires and insecurities to one another. As long as you don’t forget that you do need to make an effort to keep sex from going stale, then your relationship can be as exciting as ever.

When the initial buzz has gone

When you enter the next stage of a relationship sexual desire can drop. This will often happen if you are living together, as you are seeing each other every day and are noticing certain annoying habits about one another. Also, with being together so often sex can become less of a pressing matter. Due to the stresses in the rest of your life you often just want to go home and relax, causing sex to become a mere formality.

Remember the good old days

If you are finding that sex has gone stale then it may be a good idea to go back to the early days. Although there may be feelings of love in your relationship there may be no sexual desire. Remembering the initial buzz, and forgetting the repertoire of sexual acts you partake in when together can help to spice up your sex life. Going on a date can be a great way to recapture that initial buzz. Play acting is also a great way to recapture the magic. When you do have sex make sure you don’t take the usual route. Forget what you know and take it as it comes.

Make a change

If sex has become boring then it is often the case that a couple starts putting in less effort. But this will not help. If you want sex to be exhilarating then it is up to you as a couple to make this happen

  • Romantic gestures – If you are not letting you partner know that you do still desire them then this can cause each partner’s sexual appetite to wane. A phone call during the day expressing your lust, or whispering into your partner’s ear can help to pick things up.
  • Make time for one another – If you are not making time for sex and are getting wrapped up in your own little world then sex can become a non-event.
  • Be spontaneous – Although sex does not have to be spontaneous all the time, this is a good way to keep things exciting. However, try to make sure you are not catching your partner at the wrong time.
  • Underlying issues – If there are any underlying problems in your relationship then sex can become not only boring, but undesirable. By communicating any strife you can overcome this problem.
  • Make an effort – Dress up to look smart and sexy for your partner. And if it is your partner dressing up then make sure they don’t go unnoticed.
  • Sex doesn’t need to be in the bedroom – Sex can become boring if it is always happening in the same place. Try having sex in the living room or the kitchen, or where ever you think it may be exciting. Just make sure you are careful, and that you keep the curtains closed!
  • Try different sexual positions – There are a variety of sexual positions that can help increase the level of pleasure for one another. You don’t need to stick to the old tried and tested.
  • Role-playing – Dressing up and pretending to be sexy characters can increase your sexual desires.
  • Don’t rush into sex – Take time to appreciate one another’s bodies. Try kissing, touching and oral to get things going.
  • Environment – If your bedroom is a mess, or the wallpaper looks like it belongs in the 70s, then sexual arousal can be a distant hope. This is also the case if the kids are screaming in the hallway. Make arrangements for a babysitter, and change the décor in your bedroom.
  • Express your desires – If you don’t inform your partner what you really enjoy then it can be difficult for them to know. As long as you are in a trusting relationship then you should be able to tell them.

Need more help?

The reason why you are finding sex boring may be due to underlying issues. There are various sexual problems explored on this site, including loss of desire, sexual aversion and difficulty responding sexually.

If you require further assistance to improve your sex life then there are therapists who can help. They can help you to identify the reasons why sex has become stale, and assist you as a couple in overcoming any problems you may have.


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