Having children is a life changing event for any couple, and will require a great level of responsibility. This can result in other areas in a relationship being put on the sideline in order to sate your child’s needs, which can cause feelings of stress, angst and tiredness. Then, depending on when your child moves out, you will have to deal with the loneliness that this can bring about.

Questioning your ability to be a parent

Being a parent is a taxing job, and one that can often go unrewarded. It can cause both partners to question their ability to be a good carer, and other anxieties. It can also cause concerns about earning enough money to get by. Many people will often find that their emotional and sexual needs are put on the back burner. For women, it can also bring about changes in their body, with sex becoming painful during the initial stages after delivery.

Common factors

Below are some common themes that every couple will need to consider:

  • Rest – You need to ensure that each partner is getting enough rest. Otherwise, this can lead to problems in your relationship.
  • Money – Children can become an expensive expenditure. You need to ensure that you are making enough money to get by, and that you do not get into any risky debt.
  • Time to yourself – Having a child can see your free time dwindle into nothingness. Having to care for your child, clean the house and work to earn a wage will be time consuming.
  • Sex – For women, the ability to have sex again will take around eight weeks or more, dependent on the individual. Be patient with one another.
  • Family help – Help from your family can be a welcome asset. However, too much intrusion can be problematic.

Tips to get by

  • Time together – Try and make time to be with one another.
  • Romance – Romantic gestures can help to keep your desires sated.
  • Patience – As your child ages they will require less supervision. Patience may be the key to getting by.
  • Babysitter – The aid of a reliable babysitter can give you the time needed to have a romantic evening together.
  • Talk – Don’t lock your feelings away, as this will only lead to them being released in other areas, which can be just as negative. Be truthful about how you are feeling.

When the kids have gone

When your children finally leave, it can cause a mixture of emotions. You will be happy to have the extra space, but you may also experience loneliness, as you are so used to your children making a racket around the house. It is a change that will allow you much more freedom, but can also result in feelings of loss and sadness. It can also open old wounds in your relationship. This is a time when you will need to work together to ensure your years ahead are spent happily.

Free time

Your children leaving the nest should allow you to spend more time to yourself and together, and to partake in certain activities you did not have time for before. Below are some examples of what you could do:

  • New leisure pursuit – Take up a sport, or take art classes.
  • Education – You are never too old to learn something new. There are plenty of classes that can cater for your interests.
  • Sex – No matter how old you are, you can still find something new and exciting to do in the bedroom.
  • Holiday – If you have some spare money knocking about then why not go on that cruise you have always had on the waiting list.
  • Family & friends – Catch up with loved ones.
  • Pet – If your house feels a little too empty, then why not try getting a cat or a dog.

Finding it difficult?

For many couples, their children leaving can open old wounds. If this is the case, then you may be in need of a relationship therapist. They can help you to explore any underlying issues, and to recapture the magic that saw you get together in the first place.


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