Housework is often the cause of many arguments in a relationship. We each have our own outlook on tidiness, and because of this, there can be much angst between partners. Our opinion on tidiness may be due to our upbringing, if it was spotless, or perhaps overrun with clothes on the bedroom floor. For many people, the cause of arguments is when their partner does not take the initiative to carry out housework tasks. This can leave people feeling unappreciated and under-valued. Though housework may seem like a trivial matter to get wound up about, it can often see many couples seeking the assistance of a therapist.

A matter of opinion

Each person has different levels at which they categorise a room as being untidy. A collection of dust on top of the cupboard can seem like a catastrophe for some, while for others it may not be more than a passing thought. We are all brought up differently, but when a couple comes together, there needs to be a certain level of co-operation and leeway. Many people see the cleanliness of their home as an indication of their character, and if one partner has this outlook, but not the other, then this can cause a dispute.

The underlying issue

Arguments about housework are often an indication of underlying problems in a relationship. For example, if a prior argument has been left unresolved then this can result in individuals expressing their emotions through other means. A partner not carrying out household tasks can cause their other half to feel as if they are not respected or loved. Merely offering a helping hand when you see your partner cleaning around the house can be enough to stop an argument from brewing.  

Setting out a rota

Although you may believe yourself above such things, a rota can go a long way to stopping arguments from happening. They can also incorporate tasks for the children, but you must make sure that everybody has a say in the design of the rota. Otherwise, it can lead to further arguments if people feel like they are being forced to carry out household tasks.

Avoiding housework arguments

Set out below are some tips to help you avoid those housework arguments:

  • Your outlook – Discuss with your partner the way you were brought up to think about cleanliness. Then your partner will be one step closer to understanding where you are coming from.
  • Negotiate – You both need to co-operate and give a little leeway in order to come to some sort of agreement.
  • Share the chores – Make sure that it is not all left to the one partner. Both people need to get their fingers out if there is to be no resentment.
  • Underlying issue – Is there something else that is really bothering you? If there is, then you should communicate such feelings with your partner.
  • Take the initiative – Many partners are angered when they constantly need to ask their partner to help around the house. Use a little initiative and it can go a long way to a household of tranquillity.

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