Unusual Sexual Preferences
There are many people who have sexual desires that are deemed as unacceptable in society. Certain desires, such as paedophilic tendencies and necrophilia are indeed unacceptable and against the law. But there are other forms of fantasy and sexual preferences that many people desire but are seldom to admit.
If you are not in a relationship then there is the possibility that you can find like minded people out there who share the same tendencies. But if you are in a relationship then it can be very difficult to admit such tendencies to your partner, with the chance this may be catastrophic to the future of your relationship. It is what you do with these thoughts and feelings that can determine the success of your relationship.
What are unusual sexual preferences?
There are a range of sexual activities that are deemed to be unusual, but once again, this does not mean they are wrong. In fact, we live in a society where sex in itself is a difficult subject to discuss with others, let alone any unusual sexual preferences you may have. Unusual sexual preferences include:
- Watching others have sex
- Role-playing and fantasy
- Sadomasochism
- Spanking
- Bondage
- Being dominant or dominated
- Exhibitionism
- Masochism
- Autoerotic asphyxia
- Fetishism
If you are partaking in these sexual activities then you must make sure that necessary safety precautions are taken. Autoerotic asphyxia, in particular, can be a dangerous sexual act to carry out.
Why do I have these unusual sexual preferences?
Everybody has sexual fantasies, and there are many people who are uncomfortable with these thoughts. Because of the stigma that is attached to many of these sexual activities people are afraid to express unusual preferences to their partners. But these thoughts and feelings are completely normal, with around 15% of people deeming themselves as being into sadomasochism. The number is no doubt higher than this but people are seldom to admit such tendencies in a society where sex itself is a sensitive subject.
Is there something wrong with me?
Sexual fantasies happen to everyone, whether they are seen as normal or unusual by wider society. These thoughts and feelings can occur without us wanting them to, and this can cause great distress to certain individuals. If you are in a trusting relationship then one option is to communicate your desires with your partner, but there is always a risk in doing so. If your desires are against the law and you are finding it difficult to hold them back then a therapist can help.
Should I disclose my unusual sexual preferences to my partner?
Communicating your hidden desires with your partner and then carrying them out can be a wonderful sexual experience for some. This can increase the level of intimacy and create a real foundation of trust. However, there is always the chance your unusual sexual preferences may be offensive to your partner and cause them to become uncomfortable.
If you choose to disclose such sexual preferences to your partner then there is always the chance they may look down on you, and find it difficult to continue in the relationship. Sexual preferences can be extremely personal, but you have to ask yourself whether it is worth jeopardising your relationship. To test the water it may be best to talk about a related subject with your partner to gauge their opinion.
Unusual sexual preferences are ruining my relationship
If you find that the sexual thoughts you have are inhibiting your ability to become aroused sufficiently, or that you may not be able to control your unusual sexual urges, then therapy is an option. A counsellor will be able to help you communicate your desires and understand their roots. With time a therapist can help you to overcome such urges and once again become aroused by ‘normal’ sexual activities. Therapy can be done as a couple or as an individual.