Sensate focus

The sensate focus technique is designed to help you think about how important touching is. This can help to build up a level of trust and closeness. Before you start, you need to ensure that you have made a space of about an hour in your diary. To start with make the setting more romantic, put the heating on around half an hour before things get going and take your clothes off.

• No sex - This is not a technique to ease your way into sex, as oral or kissing would typically be considered. This is a technique to help build trust, and to help you be more comfortable when being touched, and when touching your partner.
• The person being touched - You will need to lye down for thirty minutes, fifteen minutes on your front, and then fifteen on your back. Just relax.
• The person doing the touching - Be gentle, and touch your partner all over, but not the genital region. Use a variety of techniques when touching your partner, including slow and long strokes, and using your fingers or knuckles. Explore their body, and take your time to build up confidence. Appreciate the different areas of their body, but do not give them a massage. This technique is to help you become comfortable when touching your partner, and being touched by them. Swap over after thirty minutes.
• Feedback - Agree not to talk about how it went for a day. Then, discuss how it was for you, and whether you would like to do it again. The more you do it, the more comfortable you will become with one another’s bodies.

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