Jealousy

Jealousy is an emotion we all feel at some stage. But it is when these feelings go overboard that problems can arise. Jealousy can cause us feelings of fear and anger, and can lead some people to become possessive of their partners, ultimately leading to the destruction of a relationship. It can also be an indication of underlying issues, such as low self-esteem. Thankfully, this is a problem that can be overcome, but only through patience, support and the understanding of your partner. Jealousy need not rule your life.

Jealousy is not always bad

Although jealousy is seen as a bad thing, this is not always the case. It can sometimes work to strengthen a relationship by letting people know that they need to make their partner feel loved and wanted. Jealousy can also lead to heightened feelings of passion and lust. However, this is only in cases where feelings of jealousy are slight and not taken too far.

When jealousy is bad

There is a fine line between when jealousy is deemed as normal, and when it is seen as going too far. But you need to know where this line lies in your relationship. For example, constantly badgering your partner about where they are can be damaging to a relationship, as your partner will feel they have no room to breathe. However, if you often turn your mobile off when out, then it is understandable if your partner questions you over this. Jealousy can gnaw away at your relationship, but only if you let it.

How to get over your jealousy

Jealousy can be caused by underlying problems, such as prior negative experiences in a relationship, or damaging experiences as a child. But the symptoms are always the same. If you think your feelings of jealousy are getting out of control, then you should read the following advice:

• The facts – Ask yourself if there is any actual evidence that your partner is cheating. If there isn’t, then it may just be your mind concocting negative thoughts. Think about what really causes these feelings of jealousy.
• Be positive – In order to forget your jealousy, you need to think about the positive aspects in your relationship. Remember that your partner does love and respect you, and that you are worthy of them.
• Communication – By admitting your jealousy to your partner you can work on how to combat the problem. Through support and trust your feelings of jealousy can be forgotten.
• The list – Write down what triggers your jealousy, and the feelings this causes. Then, try writing what adjustments you and your partner can make to stop these feelings from erupting. This may include wanting your partner to stop meeting with an ex-partner, for example. You can then discuss the list and see what changes can be made. But remember, it may not merely be your partner who needs to make changes.

How to get over your partner’s jealousy

A partner’s jealousy can be destructive upon your lifestyle. Here are some tips to help combat the situation:

• Don’t fly off the handle – Rather than seeing your partner’s jealousy as nightmarish, you should remember that this is just a demonstration of how strong they feel for you. Try to be understanding and supportive.
• Change – If you are unnecessarily meeting with an ex-partner then this is a behaviour that can be changed. Other such activities, which you know trigger your partner’s jealousy, can be adjusted. But remember, there has to be a limit. For example, if you have kids with an ex-partner, it may be unavoidable to meet with them.
• Positive reinforcement – By reminding your partner how much they mean to you, you can prevent feelings of jealousy from brewing. Be positive, and compliment your partner. A strong foundation in a relationship can prevent problems from arising.

In need of assistance

If you are still experiencing strong feelings of jealousy, and there seems to be no overcoming them, then you may be in need of a therapist. Although this can seem like a daunting prospect, a therapist can be of great help in rebuilding the basis of your relationship.