Money

Money can be the instigator of many arguments in a relationship. In fact, money can often be the main factor as to whether a relationship will survive, even more so than sex. This is not necessarily due to lack of money, but more to do with attitudes toward spending money. There are some who see money as a way to save for the future, while others see it as best being spent on the next big commodity, often leading to strife in a relationship. The only way to stop this from happening is to discuss each others attitude toward money, and to ensure that each partner’s financial needs are treated with due respect.

How money can cause trouble

Money woes can be caused by several factors. Below are the three main causes:

In charge of the money – If one person is left to keep up to date with bills, and other money outgoings, then this can cause feelings of resentment. It can also lead to stress if there are financial problems at the minute.
Differing attitudes – People can have very different attitudes toward money. One partner may love spending big on a shopping trip every weekend, while the other can only see the hole in their pocket getting bigger. If people in a relationship have a different outlook on how money should be spent then this can cause friction.
The main priority – If one partner sees money spent on a new sports car as a good investment, while the other sees a savings account as a good way to prepare for the future, then this can cause angst. They say opposites attract, but when it comes to money, this could not be further from the truth.

The underlying issue

On occasion, arguments concerning money are actually to do with other issues. Angst about money can often be a sign of not feeling valued, or resentment at who holds the power in a relationship, should one partner be earning less, or be unemployed. Being continually questioned on how you spend money, or in some cases, one partner being very secretive about their expenditure can also be a cause for concern. Furthermore, if your partner is constantly buying you expensive gifts then this can leave you feeling obliged to pay them back in some way.

Money is tight at the moment

If you feel that money is too tight at the moment for romancing, then you may need to cut some corners. A home-made meal with candles and a bottle of wine can be just as romantic, and there is nothing wrong with watching a movie together on the sofa under the covers. Also, a bath together with loads of bubbles, as long as the bath is big enough, can be a great way to keep romance in the air.

Monthly budget

Setting out a monthly budget can be a great way to make sure your money woes cease to exist. They can take in to account the bills, and other necessary expenditures, as well as a few luxuries. The best way to go about this is to separately write up a monthly budget, and then come together to discuss your outlines. Below are some of the things that must be taken into account when creating a monthly budget:

The necessities – Monthly costs like gas, electric and water bills must be taken into account. Also, the mortgage, telephone bill, home insurance, TV licence, credit card outgoings, food and house items, school fees, a savings account, car payments and necessities for the children are worth thinking about.
Semi-important – Although important, these expenses are not quite as vital as the above. They include gym membership, activities for the kids, clothes for work and maybe a bottle of wine for a weekly romantic encounter.
The indulgences – A romantic meal out, or with the kids, a trip to the cinema or a day out, a shopping trip, saving up for a holiday and other commodities such as DVDs.

Once you have finished compiling your monthly budget, then you need to bring them together and discuss your differences. Through co-operation and understanding you can create a monthly budget that suits both of your needs. If you are finding it difficult, then a counsellor can offer further assistance.

Are you in need of assistance?

If you are finding it difficult to discuss money matters, with an argument often being the end result, then a therapist can help you. A therapist can offer an environment in which the both of you can express your opinions on money in a constructive manner. A therapist can also offer tips and advice and on how you can work together through your money troubles.